Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves
That last verse gets to me, “For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption;” It pretty much describes where my life has been for the majority of my adult existence. Corruption of flesh. Sounds rather sickening, right?
Pain, disease, fatigue, fat all from binge eating, eating compulsively, and eating toxic food for toxic reasons. I have eaten because I was mad, sad, and just to be bad. I have eaten because the food was there. I have eaten because it was expected of me. I have eaten because other people were eating. I’ve eaten because I wanted to taste that special taste and experience that special feeling I had gotten from tasting it before. I’ve put food in my mouth to keep from saying something that would probably result in conflict. I’ve eaten so it wouldn’t go to waste. What a waste!
Whatever the reasons for eating, it was not generally because I was hungry and needed to nourish my body – even though there were times I convinced myself that it was. I’ve experienced true, physical hunger infrequently, generally because I was always putting something in my mouth and stomach. I was eating to avoid dealing with the things inside myself that need to be faced.
Now that I’m beginning my recovery from compulsive eating and using food to avoid dealing with my emotions and issues is no longer an option, it’s time to peel away the layers and trust that God is carrying me through this and will grow me and strengthen me as I go through this process. As long as I continue to turn to him and not to food.